Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
