you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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