you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Four minutes until I can fart!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
