Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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