ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
