I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
