I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize