I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
