dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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