garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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