Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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