Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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