I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm too high and old for this...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
