so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
