I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
