Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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