Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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