She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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