toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
