I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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