Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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