I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Can you bring me the toilet please
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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