i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
