marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she looked like the before picture.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
