so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
