he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
