new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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