I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
