he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
