I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
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All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
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I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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