Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
did i just pee glitter
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
