It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
