I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
