There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
