Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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