i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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