what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
