I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
