"it" just moved
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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