So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have fence marks all over my body
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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