Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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