its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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