Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
