I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
