When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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