I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
