I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
