i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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