I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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