I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
