Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
