You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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