Define "chronic" masturbator.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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