We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
