I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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