I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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