i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
