look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There's always time for handjobs
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
