Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
