You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
