I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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