We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
