And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
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