I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
