North Korea, Best Korea!
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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