Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
