I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So many bounce houses so little time
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
