We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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