i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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