Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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